Pay Attention: The Most Practical Lesson from the Boston Marathon Bombing

Boston Bombing SuspectsStop trying to make sense of it all.

It’s nearly impossible to stop. You want to find some rationale for terror and mass violence. The human mind is wired to create stories that make sense…

…at least to you.

As a point of fact- the human mind is a master story teller. Your mind is designed to craft amazing stories that fit whatever circumstances you need to survive. This process involves delusion, deception, time shifting, exaggeration, diminishment and fabrication.

Your mind will create the story that best makes sense to you.

The stuff your mind uses to author these stories are your past experiences, beliefs and cultural paradigms. In other words, in an attempt to make sense of the world, you create stories in your mind based mostly on how you’ve experience the world- so far.

This is why eye-witness accounts vary widely. It’s why someone can look directly at a photograph and deny that person is a person they know well.

It’s why a mother, father and aunt cannot believe their loved ones were involved in an act of terrorism.

This is also why many people believe in wide-ranging government conspiracies and cannot accept that sane and rational people intentionally commit mass murder and terror.

No- there must be some other reason.

In fact, people can commit acts of murder and violence with rational purpose and intent. The mind of a mass murderer or terrorist is simply creating a different story than yours.

In the minds of those formed by conditions in Chechnya, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and other similar places, the world is a place full of injustice, immorality and oppression. They are taught that to fight against this oppression and immorality is a holy calling and that killing in the name of the cause will be rewarded by God.

Understand this mindset before you rush to judgement.

I am not saying you should accept acts of violence and terrorism; quite the opposite.

As long as you delude yourself that these atrocities are only the acts of psychopaths and conspiracists, your story is a work of fiction, not fact.

Your mind isn’t wired for THIS story…

A guy drops a backpack and scurries away. He glances furtively over his shoulder. The backpack then explodes killing and maiming dozens of people around you.

Our experience has changed over the past decade and the past few days. It’s time to change the story. You cannot respond to facts when you’re living a fiction.

Everyday I ask my young martial arts students to call out the two most important words in martial arts. Their answer is:

“Pay attention.”

Now you know that unattended luggage is a sign of danger. You know that an abandoned backpack can explode. You know that a terrorist is as likely to wear a turned-around ball cap as a ghutra.

You also know that someone who wants to do you harm may appear sane, rational and calm…because they are.

People everywhere are asking what can be done to stop all of this.

Until the plot changes, the best thing you can do is try to understand the real meaning behind this story and…

…Pay attention.

Sit Still Cover 275wYou don’t have to shave your head, flee to the mountain or become a monk. For most people, you’ll enjoy the benefits of mediation in just a few minutes a day once you learn how to…

Sit Still, Shut Up…and Breathe!

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SPECIAL POST: On the Boston Bombings- Keep Your Heart Open and Your Mouth Shut…at least for a few days

Two of my favorite people...My brother Walter and my wife Alex.

Two of my favorite people…My brother Walter and my wife Alex.

Yesterday’s attack on Boston struck very close to home…

Shortly after the reports came in, I found out that my brother had been at the exact location of the bombing just 15 minutes before the first explosion. His girlfriend had just finished the race and they had walked two blocks away when they heard the blast.

I knew that many of my friends went to the marathon and we were scrambling for news. Gratefully, all those I knew were safe.

It is natural to feel gratitude when you find out those closest to you are safe. It is also natural to feel anger with more intensity when violence is directed at those you know personally.

So knock off the rhetoric about how we should feel this badly when any attack happens anywhere in the world. It’s part of our genetic make-up and a survival mechanism that we are able to remove ourselves to some degree when violence is not as intimate. It is appropriate to respond with sympathy for any victims of violence- it is just as appropriate to feel more when violence strikes close to home…

And put down the pitchforks and torches…

Stop the premature condemnations of the right/left-wing nut jobs-zealots-radicals who are “obviously” responsible.

Whether right or left, the salient word is “nuts.” If this is indeed the cowardly act of a zealot, then condemnation should be directed at that extreme mindset, not at the majority of people who hold a particular political view.

There is nothing radical about people who are dedicated to the original intent and spirit of the founders. Neither is there anything particularly radical about those who are dedicated to social change.

Any radical who attacks innocent people to make a point should be condemned- in every sense of the word.

We’re not there yet…

And don’t assume the person or persons responsible for this attack are nuts.

It is entirely plausible that the perpetrators of this attack are rational people dedicated to some particular cause, nation or ideology. It is dangerous to label such people “nuts.”

Nuts act irrationally. Their actions are difficult if not impossible to predict.

Extremists who are dedicated to a cause may be acting entirely rationally- from their perspective. It requires an entirely different set of tactics to deal with highly-motivated, well-trained militants.

The only appropriate response, in either case, is a considered response…once all the facts are in. That response may be brutal, but must be just and well reasoned.

In this age of Tweets and Facebook posts, everyone has access to a new form of mass media. Anyone can broadcast his most visceral rants to the entire world.

So be it- just remember that others are judging you by your reaction today.

I play a game with my young students to help them focus on what it takes to develop true understanding…

I call out, “Eyes!” They respond, “OPEN!”

“Ears?” “OPEN!”

“Mind!” “OPEN!”

“Heart!” “OPEN!”

“Mouth?” “SHUT!”

Not a bad idea for today…

How to Develop Courage: In 3 Steps

Signature:baed3687aecc9fc02b05e033f52ab04b5ac34144c6f0702c4e0cfe36f9d34041You seemed to enjoy the To Do List post last week, so here’s another one:

Today- we’ll talk about how to develop COURAGE…in 3 Steps (not necessarily easy!)

One of the biggest problems we all face on a daily basis is courage…or lack of it. Fear can cripple you and keep you from doing what is necessary to accomplish your goals, make the money you deserve and live life to the fullest.

But everyone is afraid sometimes. So what can you do about it?

First of all…

“Courage is not the absence of fear. The absence of fear is stupidity!”

Fear is a survival mechanism. It’s OK to be afraid once in a while- your life depends on it!

Fear keeps you from doing really stupid and dangerous things…usually. Fear is your natural response to danger and it’s good to pay attention to truly dangerous things.

It’s just not healthy when you let fear rule your life or stop you from doing what is important, meaningful and at times…scary!

Courage is the ability to act in the face of fear. Courage is defined by your ability to take action in the presence of danger, risk or uncertainty.

But what if you’re just not courageous? Can you learn to be brave?

Yes…

  1. Start small…
  2. Prepare…
  3. Learn to pick your battles.

Start small…

You don’t have to face your biggest fears first. Start by doing something with a moderate degree of fear, risk or discomfort.

Granted, sometimes we’re thrown into extreme situations. You wouldn’t choose to be trapped in a burning building, but if you find yourself in that situation you are most likely to respond based on past experiences; even those with less risk or danger.

Prepare…

That’s why preparation and training are so important. Practice is the antidote to fear. The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to handle danger, risk or discomfort without running away…

…which is sometimes the right thing to do!

Learn to pick your battles…

The first rule is self-defense is…RUN! We train to fight to prepare for the situation when flight is not an option.

Know which things are worth fighting for and which are not. Decide when it is right to stay and fight and when it is more prudent to turn and walk away.

Courage does not mean you fight every fight. Some battles are righteous- others are not.

Take some time to think about your fears.

  • Which are holding you back?
  • Which fears can you face on a smaller scale?
  • Which fears involve authentic danger and which are greater fears in your mind than in reality?

Decide which fears are worth facing today…and do it.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ~Dale Carnegie

Thanks BrainyQuote.com!

Courage Excerpt Graphic

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The New American Crises: Dodgeball

Boy Looking upI’ve been talking a lot about courage lately.

Courage is a very interesting human characteristic. Courage is your ability to act in the face of fear, danger, risk or uncertainty.

So what’s that got to do with dodgeball?

One New Hampshire town has decided to ban dodgeball. They say that dodgeball promotes bullying and turns kids into “targets.” The argument is that it’s time to focus on more inclusive games rather than those that “eliminate” kids and further isolate them.

That sounds nice on the surface…

My friend and mentor Larry Winget says that this another example of what he calls “the wussification of America.” His take, and I’m sure many of you feel the same way…is toughen up! He claims that by eradicating competition, we’re destroying courage and confidence in kids- they no longer know how to deal with winning and losing.

I agree with him, but the issue is bigger than that- much bigger…

The whole dodgeball argument is stupid. Worse, it distracts us from the core issue, which does involve wussification- of our entire society.

If bullying is a problem; confront the bully!

The Windham New Hampshire Board of Education has just been brought to it’s knees by a few little wise asses who exploited a stupid game to pick on weaker kids by bashing in their brains with a dodgeball?

Where are THEIR balls?

Not their standard issue red-rubber playground balls…I mean the cajones to stand up to a pre-pubescent thug and tell him to knock it off.

Look- the whole dodgeball debate is a complete waste of time. There are any number of ways to keep dodgeball a fun and safe activity- I’m not going to waste time making the argument.

The greater issue is that this school board’s actions is indicative of the lack of moral courage that infects every level of our society.

Why?

Because it’s just easier that way.

It’s easier to ban dodgeball than to punish kids who take advantage of the game to be bullies- which would of course mean dealing with their bully parents too.

It’s easier to tax rich people than it is to trim our budget. It’s easier to hand out money than it is to teach personal responsibility. It’s easier to bitch and whine than it is to be part of the solution.

It’s easier to send billions of dollars to placate despots and tyrants than it is to stand on our core values.

Dodgeball? Really?

Don’t give a damn. I do care that cowardice has replaced courage- on any level.

It’s way past time we stopped taking the easy way out and started showing a little courage again.

Here’s another interesting article on America’s Dodgeball Crises!

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You’ll have 30 days to pay the $100 balance- once you put what you learned to work!

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This half-day intensive is focused specifically on:

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  • YOUR needs and goals…
  • YOUR profitability…
  • And how to leverage YOUR unique expertise!

You WILL leave this workshop with the tools to:

  • Become the “go-to” expert in your market…
  • Promote and grow your business as the market leader…
  • Turn PR and media opportunities into cash…
  • Transform your knowledge into multiple streams of revenue!

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW!

5 SEATS LEFT! Limited to 20 seats to assure focus on YOUR business!

Jim transformed his expertise as a local martial artist into an internationally recognized brand as a speaker and author.

He’ll show you how to transform your expertise to profit…locally or globally!

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SPECIAL REPORT: Workplace Bullying- Why “The Five” are wrong and why you can’t afford to ignore the problem one more minute…and yes- there is a problem!

Several states are proposing legislation to combat bullying in the workplace. The folks on FOX News “The Five” debated the issue- and they completely missed the point…

Greg Gutfeld fired the first volley:

“What a great problem to have in America. Having a workplace bully means that you’re at work- you have a job; that’s a good thing! I think a lot of people would like to have this problem…”


The Five Bullying 460w

Seriously?

Workplace bullying is an issue whether you appreciate it or not…a very expensive issue…

…and it’s about to get a lot more expensive…

…especially if your organization does not have a comprehensive policy and training program on workplace respect and civility.

Eric Bolling posed a sensible question that highlights the confusion over this issue:

“How do you define it? …what if I don’t like someone? What- do I have to be nice to them or they’re going to say they’re bullied?”

No-

First of all, bullying, harassment and incivility are three distinct issues. Each contributes to the enormous drain of resources on business, but it’s important to define each clearly to assure the most effective response.

Incivility…

This is where it all starts. Simple rudeness, offensive language, idol gossip and low levels of shunning all belong in under the category of incivility.

This is not usually the level that merits legal action, but incivility does still cost you real money.

Tangible effects include reduced productivity, increased lost days and use of sick time. If nothing else, a culture of incivility and disrespect stifles innovation and creativity- a hidden cost no business can afford in these challenging times.

Bullied woman comfortedIn worst cases, a pervasive culture of incivility causes serious stress that leads to real illness, higher insurance costs and replacement costs as employees leave.

Lao Tzu said, “Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small.”

Installing a clear Respect Policy and handling the issue in this phase can literally save you millions- because millions is what you pay when disrespect escalates to the next level…

Bullying…

Unchecked, constant incivility can easily rise to the level of bullying. In fact, the generally accepted definition of bullying implies a consistent pattern of sustained behavior.

When the commentators on The Five worry about a lawsuit rising from every rude comment, they show that they simply don’t understand the real issue- and unfortunately, many business people don’t either.

An isolated rude or offensive comment is an example of incivility, but is not in itself an example of bullying or harassment.

One of the most comprehensive and useful definitions of workplace bullying comes from the UK’s Amicus MSF trade union as published by BullyOnline.org:

“Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating or insulting behavior, abuse of power or unfair penal sanctions which makes the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated or vulnerable, which undermines their self-confidence and which may cause them to suffer stress.”

Address the components of persistent abusive behavior and abuse of power and you all but eliminate the bullying problem.

You certainly don’t want to fire people for minor acts of incivility- but when someone becomes a bully, even a high producer- it’s time to chop some heads. When the boss abuses power- you’re heading for court.

A bully can reduce the productivity of a target by 50%- if the target chooses to stay in your employ. Productivity for other people in the area where bullying occurs can drop as much as 38%.

Getting expensive enough yet?

And that’s before we factor in legal costs if the employee decides to take action- and you don’t necessarily need new legislation for that to happen.

Think it’s not a problem in your company?

InsuranceJournal.com reports that “Half the employers in a 2011 survey by the management association reported incidents of bullying in their workplace, and about a fourth of human resource professionals themselves said they had been bullied.”

Do you want to install a Respect Policy and training program now, or face the possibility of litigation later on?

More important, do you want to nip incivility and bullying in the bud? Or- are you willing to take a chance on the behavior rising to the next and most damaging level…

Harrassment…

This is the $95 million level…

That’s the current record for a judgement on a single harassment action. If you Ashley Alfond Harassment 275wreally want to scare yourself at this point, read “95 million reasons why you MUST offer Respect Training in the workplace.” In that article I share all the tragic details of Ashley Alfond vs. Aaron’s Sales, now a landmark case.

Harassment has traditionally been thought of in terms of sexual aggression. Proposed new legislation broadens the scope of harassment complaints to include persistent incivility and bullying.

Again from InsuranceJournal.com:

“‘I believe this is the new claim that employers will deal with. This will replace sexual harassment,’ said Sharon Parella, a management-side employment lawyer in New York. ‘People who oppose it say these laws will force people to be polite at work. But you can no longer go to work and act like a beast and get away with it.’”

And if you allow people in your organization to act like beasts, well- you’re going to end up paying for it.

The Black Belt Perspective…

Life is tough- and if you’re going to make it, you’ve got to be tough too.

You certainly aren’t doing yourself or anyone else any good if you develop a reputation for over-sensitivity. You don’t want to be filing complaints every time someone snaps at you- especially in the heat of battle or if you genuinely asked for it!

However…

We’re not talking about childish schoolyard antics here. Act professionally. Your job does not include making other people’s lives miserable.

For most people, work is not optional. There is a built-in disparity of power and authority in the workplace that can exacerbate the problem of bad behavior on the job.

There is no reason to tolerate incivility at any level in the workplace.

When I’m training front-line employees in Workplace Respect, part of the discussion is focused on simply not accepting the role of victim. Part of the responsibility of the employee is to report incivility.

Standing up to genuine incivility, bullying and harassment in the workplace does not make you a whiner or a coward- it is an act of courage.

As an employer, your part is to encourage employees to identify and report incidents.

When an employee has the courage to address and report bad behavior, they should be treated seriously- they may be saving you millions!

I enjoy The Five- their lively discussions are entertaining and informative. This time they just got it wrong. Workplace bullying is a serious issue.

Dana Perino asked, “Are we trying to legislate away something that is human nature?”

Forget about the coming legislation- act now. Incivility is not the default human condition, but it does grow best in a vacuum.

Install a clear Respect Policy and a comprehensive Respect Training Program. You won’t have to wait to see a real, positive impact on your bottom line and best of all…

…you won’t end up in the courtroom or the headlines!

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Don’t wait until you have a problem, or until the problem starts getting expensive!

Increase productivity, creativity and employee loyalty TODAY!

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Call 800-786-8502 or click here for more information…

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